help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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