you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
