I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
