I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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