it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
