She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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