Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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