On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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