she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
