Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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