I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
