I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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