he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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