I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
