So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
