Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
