yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
