Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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