Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
