I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
