I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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