Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
