He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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