Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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