i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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