saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
