And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
