Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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