She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
