i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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