I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
