I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
