dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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