There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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