I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
