i permit you to call me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
