Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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