I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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