i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
