im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
