I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
