I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
