There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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