he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And then he peed in my hair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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