Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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