I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
