I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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