she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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