I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
