yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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