I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
