This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
