Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
