let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
