$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
