i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
