I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
