The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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