You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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