Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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