You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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