Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
