Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
